my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
