Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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