You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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