His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your topless pictures make me question reality
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
