you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
