Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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