Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am midnight drunk by noon
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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