atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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