C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize