I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
