He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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