is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
