last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
