im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
