We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
