I molested 6 butterflies tonight
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize