first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my being single is dangerous.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
