just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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