i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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