Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize