im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
