i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
