Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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