Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
