omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
