we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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