you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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