dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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