Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
