he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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