btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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