Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
