I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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