my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A+ Viking dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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