I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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