8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
