if i can run in heels then i can drive
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am available for nakedness
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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