oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize