is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
