dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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