That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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