dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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