the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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