This girl is more easily done than said...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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