Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize