Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
