His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
