It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
