Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
