My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
